You only live once

There is a intellectually-challenged young man who works at the kopitiam I frequent, and he never ceases to amaze me with his enthusiasm with his work. He speeds through the crowd to get to you, asks you what you want to drink and he says 'thank you thank you' before he leaves and comes back with your order. He never messes up his orders because he takes the effort to write them down, and he works fast so that you never have to wait for your cuppa, and he says 'thank you thank you' again with a big genuine grin as he hands you the change. It's good service with a capital S that you don't even get at some fancy restaurants which have the cheek to charge you that 10% service charge.

Sometimes there are children who make fun of him because of the strange way he looks, and the way he makes funny motor sounds -- sounds that little children make when they are playing with toy cars and planes -- when he makes his rounds. The idea is rather horrifying because they are children. But he takes it in stride and he keeps on working. In a lot of ways, he is better than the ordinary person with no physical and mental defects because he makes himself useful, he earns his own keeps, and he lives.

It is life dignified in its most admirable form.

***

Last night, I was MSN-ing with the oh-so-mysterious caco3boy (who is now not so mysterious anymore lar), and we were talking about suicides. People who choose to die when life gets a tad difficult. Not to speak ill of the dead, but Karen sincerely thinks that no problem is so big that it cannot be solved.

Life is getting better, and people are getting weaker. I guess it sums it up. When life is a little too smooth-sailing all along, problems start to appear to take on an astronomical magnitude. They look so big that we think the whole world is hopeless and miserable and not worth fighting for anymore.

But think of the children suffering in Ethopia and the women who are sexually-violated the world over. They are moving on. People who live in places where bombs fell like rain and corpses are piled up like hills of rags, they struggle to stay alive and believe in a better tomorrow.

Many 'problems' of everyday life, which appears astronomical at first, look ridiculous in this light.

It pays to remember that problems don't last very long, no matter how big they seem to be. They occupy but a brief moment of our total life span. Compared to the vast amount of experiences we go through everyday, they are relatively temporary and insignificant.

And I dare say they are even necessary. You don't appreciate life until you realise how much it can suck.

No emotional or financial crisis is too big for us to handle, if only we realise its proper place and magnitude in life.

***

Of course it is easy for me to say things like that when my life is free of troubles. I get that a lot from people who call me for help. Sometimes I want to throw the receiver against the wall and scream "I QUIT YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SAI". But as a trained social worker, I am supposed to be better than that.

And I AM. *flips hair* Gotta be. Can't have a blind mouse leading another, can we?

We all have our own troubles. I expect to run into more troubles in the future. What makes the difference is that we brace ourselves for them and learn to work things out. It's a little like carrying an umbrella everyday and take cover when the thunderstorm comes. Then you try to find a shelter and wait for the thunderstorm to subside.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, buddy.

People in trouble, in my observation, tend to wallow in self-pity a lot. They get stuck in their woe-is-me world and it is hard to get them out. They always say 'you don't understand', and I don't suppose I do. I can't pretend to understand the abstract, and I definitely can't understand why or what they don't think I understand. It's a horrible case of no one understanding any not-understanding from anyone.

During my training, the professional counsellors always say that all you need to do is listen. Give them a listening ear, talk to them, show them love, and they will feel that the world is a better place.

Bullshit. Things are more complicated than that. See, I do think that professional counsellors (not all, though) can be the biggest bunch of woefully deluded people, but that's a post for another day. Moving on.

While I think it's important we care about the people around us, listen, and dish out advice like a automatic drink dispenser, what matters in the end is that people get the strength to pull themselves together. You can listen for hours on end, days, weeks, even months, but if the person doesn't help themselves, no one can.

***

That said, I just want to point out that suicide is a personal choice. I know it hurts, and it causes loved ones a lot of pain, but it's a choice an individual consciously (or not) make. There's nothing anyone else can do about it (beyond what you've already done).

Survivor-guilt can be hard to deal with, but don't ever let things get you down, no matter how upsetting it is. You already see how it drags down one precious life, so don't let it drag yours down.

Live life 'cos you only live once. Just make it good.

But I suppose you all already know that. :)

And if anyone ever needs help, just remember Karen is always available, and is a 'trained counsellor' (very dubious term, don't think you can ever 'train' a counsellor). I know it's difficult to get me on mobile, so, err, just call relentlessly, k? Just don't go jumping off buildings before talking to Karen.